The Real Harry Potter
by Mari Riddle-Potter
Summary: This story is very unique!!! I know there are a bunch but this one is different! Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Draco sing a unique version of the Eminem song!!


The Real Harry Potter

By: Mari Riddle-Potter

Rated: R

Summary: Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Draco do an original version of the Real Slim Shady by Eminem.

The Real Harry Potter:

Hermione: May I have your attention please? May I have your attention please? Will the real Harry Potter please stand up? I repeat, will the real Harry Potter please stand up?

Draco: We're gonna have a problem here!

Harry: Y'all act like you never seen a wizard before. Jaws all on the floor like Dumbledore, like Voldie just burst into school and start whoopin' his ass. Worse than when they first dueled, throwin' Dumbledore over the desk (Hermione:Ahh!) It's the return of the… (Ron interrupts)

Ron: Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding! He didn't just say what I think he did, did he? And Cedric said… (Draco interrupts)

Draco: Nothing you idiots! Cedric is dead! He's locked in my dungeon! Ha-ha! 

Harry: Feminist women love Harry P.

Draco: Harry Potter, I'm sick of him! Walkin' around grabbin his you-know-what. Flippin the you-know-who!

Hermione: Yeah, but he's so cute though!

Harry: Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose, but no worse than what's going on in Snape's bedroom. Sometimes I wanna get on the newspapers and just let loose, but I can't, but it's cool for Gildroy Lockhart to hump a dead hippogriff. 

Ron: *screaming madly* My bum is on your lips! My bum is on your lips! And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss!

Draco: And that's the message we deliver to little kids, and expect them not to know who Voldemort is! Of course they gonna know who You-Know-Who is by the time they hit 5 years of age. They got the Daily Prophet, don't they? They ain't nothing but mammals! 

Ron: Well, some of us are death eaters who cut other people open like cantaloupes (Harry: *slurp*) But if we can hump dead hippogriffs and basilisks then there's no reason that Snape and Flitwick can't elope ( Harry, Draco, Hermione: Eeeeewww).

Harry: But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote. Women wave your wands, sing the chorus and it goes: I'm Harry Potter, yes I'm the real Harry! All you other Harry Potter's are just imitating. So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up, please stand up, please stand up? (repeat)

Draco: Gildroy don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell them; Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too!

Harry: You think I give a damn about a Wizards Choice Award? Half of the paparazzi can't stomach me, let alone stand me!

Hermione: But Harry, if you win, wouldn't it be weird?

Harry: Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here? So you can sit me next to Britney Spears? Shit, Christina Aguilera! Better switch me chairs so I can sit next to Carson Daily and Fred Durst and hear'm argue over who she gave head to first!

Draco: You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV!

Hermione: Yeah, he's cute but I think he's married to Lavender, hee-hee!  

Harry: I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world how she gave me, Harry, VD! (Ron: AHHH)

Draco: I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups, all you do is annoy me so I have been sent here by Voldie to destroy you (*bzzzt*)!

Harry: And there's a million of us just like me; who just don't give a fuck like me; who dress like me; walk, talk, and act like me and just might be the next best thing but not quite me!

Draco, Ron, Hermione, Harry: I'm Harry Potter, yes I'm the real Harry! All you other Harry Potter's are just imitating. So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up, please stand up, please stand up? (repeat)

Harry: I'm like a broom trip to listen to, 'cause I'm only giving you things you can joke about with your friends inside your Witching School. The only difference is that I got the guts to say it in front of ya'll and don't gotta be false or magic coated at all. I just get on the mike and spit it and whether you like to admit it (Ron: Errr) I just shit it better than 90 percent of you muggles can! Then you wonder how teen wizards eat these albums like veriteserum.

 Draco: It's funny; 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm 30 I'll be the only person at St. Mungo's nursin' home flirting. Pinchin' witchy ass when I'm jackin' off with Jergens. And I'm jerkin but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working!!!!!

Harry: And every single person is a Harry Potter lurkin'. He could be workin' in the Leaky Cauldron, spitin' in your pumpkin juice (Ron: *HACH*)!

Hermione: Or in diagon alley, circling and screaming "I don't give a fuck!" with his broom in the air. So will the real Harry Potter please stand up?

Draco: And put one of those fingers on each hand up?

Ron: And be proud to be out of your mind and outta control and one more time, as loud as you can, how does it go?

Draco, Ron, Hermione, Harry: I'm Harry Potter, yes I'm the real Harry! All you other Harry Potter's are just imitating. So won't the real Harry Potter please stand up, please stand up, please stand up? (repeat)

Harry: Ha ha! Guess there's a bit of a Harry Potter in all of us! Fuck, lets all stand up!

(A/N: *screams madly* We're gonna have a problem here! Draco bad boy! Yeah baby!!!! Now review! I told you this one was a bit unique!)


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